It seems you can’t get on an AFL list these days unless you have some form of permanent body art. So in the grand tradition of the little paper (Herald Sun) I present a team of not left handed, mensa graduates with Buddhist- Irish uncles who were drafted between pick 25 and 47, but a team of current AFL players with serious ink – the Tattoo 22.
Life’s a beach when your on the interchange bench so why not get a tattoo of a palm tree.
Bench: Aaron Edwards (Richmond)
A full sleeve on one arm, a Samoan tribal band on the other and flip around, there’s a palm tree on the back.
Bench: Brent McCaffer (Collingwood)
Do you like the tattoo I got of my favourite Cold Chisel song, ‘Palm Trees’? Oh shit it’s ‘Flame Trees’ isn’t it? Damn.
Bench: Ricky Pettard (Richmond)
How can you make a palm tree tattoo even better? Add in some stars, yep, and throw in a Latin phrase for good measure, ok done.
Substitute: Jeremy Howe (Melbourne)
Hanger specialist Howe has got a collection: there’s a cross inside a southern cross (clever), an angel down the bottom I think, a couple of roses too and a whole heap more. Plenty to look at as Howe cools his jets in the green vest.
Imagine if there was a crisis and one of the starting 22 sustained a freak tattooing injury. You would need some tattooed emergencies on standby to take their place.
Emergency: Leroy Jetta (Essendon)
That’s a lot of ink.
Emergency: Maverick Weller (Gold Coast Suns)
How can you get revenge on your parents for calling you Maverick? Easy get a Top Gun tattoo even though the movie was made 12 years before you were born.
Emergency: Mitch Robinson (Carlton)
Sometimes you just need to get together with a mate, take your shirts off and look tough by holding a crocodile in your bare hands, a tiny baby crocodile that is. Mitch looks a whole lot tougher than his mate not just because he’s not holding the tiny baby croc but because he has some tough stickers: An Australian flag on his arm (obscured), an unusual sun thing on his side (partially obscured) and some cursive script on the pectoral region. Tough.
When your looking for a coach of a team like this you need someone who is just out of the game, someone who has played at the highest level with a tattoo and knows what ink is all about, someone who understands the modern game and the modern player and can mentor them on the work they need to do to improve as a footballer and the work they can get done on their arm. Really there were only 2 choices:
Coach: Justin Sherman
Recently delisted ex Lion and Bulldog Justin Sherman shows that real men wear rosary beads, permanently.
Coach: Kyle Remiers
Remiers will be able to steer the team clear of any supplements programs after his time at Essendon in 2012, he can also show them a thing or two about choosing a tattoo. He really does tick a lot of tattoo boxes: a celtic cross (on his pointing arm), a stylised scorpion, a bulls head, some Roman numerals and, in Olde English script, L4TM which I believe stands for ‘live for the moment.’ It’s like the first 5 pages out of a tattoo catalogue. I’m sure they have some significance but it’s all lost on me.
Have I missed someone? Add your suggestions by leaving a comment below.