A trusted friend once told me ‘Give the people what they want’
So I took a look at what people are typing into Google to find my blog. I discovered that what people really want to see are AFL footballer’s tattoos, strange AFL jumpers and cricketers without their shirts. How else could you explain the searches for “naked cricketers” and “shirtless cricketers” leading people to my blog?
So here it is the Shirtless Cricketers XI and other popular search engine terms used by people everywhere
1. Shane Watson
Watto is easily the most popular shirtless search including “shane watson shirtless”, “shane watson shirtless photos” and “shane watson nude” Watto really is the cricketing king of shirtless photos as evidenced here.
Why is Watto getting around with his kit off? Well according to the Steve Rixon Ashes Diary, Watto was taking part in a six week manscaping program and was in a full body moisturising phase which meant after showering he had to cover himself in moisturiser and sit around nude for the next 20 minutes. Brilliant.
One search I couldn’t help people with was “shane watson f*cking” It’s hard to determine the intention of the search – was it straight after another Watto lbw?
2. Shaun Marsh
Shaun Marsh has been an enigma in Australian cricket, seemingly on a continuous recall to the Australian team after injury and/or poor form despite a modest first class record. So what are people searching for? Shaun Marsh injury, Shaun Marsh Test recall or Shaun Marsh poor first class record. No they want to see “Shaun Marsh shirtless” of course.
This was the only picture I could find. It would have been easier if the search had been for “Shaun Marsh making a Test century after being recalled, omitted due to injury and recalled again to the Australian team for the 2014 tour of South Africa despite average 25 in first class cricket that season.”
3. Ricky Ponting
When you see the name Ricky Ponting what do you think? Australian Test captain, scorer of many thousands of international runs. What are people looking for? Well they’re searching for “Ricky Ponting hairy forearms” and “Hairy Ricky Ponting photos”
Why? No idea but here are a couple anyway.
4. Steve Smith
I can only guess people weren’t looking for 1980’s New South Wales and Australian batsmen Steve Smith when they searched for “steve smith shirtless cricket” but instead were looking for the current Australian batsmen with his shirt off. However, you can never be sure so here is 1980s Steve Smith wearing a tracksuit top.
5. Tim Paine
“tdpaine shirtless and hot”
What impressed me most about this search was the use of the player’s initials – TD Paine – as they would appear in a cricket scorecard. Very impressive. Here is the picture they were probably searching for too (for legal reasons I had to stop searching after I found this one photo)
Whilst searching I did find a lot of pictures of Tim Paine’s different hairstyles. I’d say he spends a fair bit of time at the hair dressers getting his blonde tips redone and a fair bit of time on front of the mirror with product sculpting his ‘Beiber bowl’
What do people want to know about the Big Show?
Surely they want to see him shirtless? Well surprisingly no, what they really want to know is, “how the f*ck did australian cricketer glen maxwell get his f*ckin nickname?”
According to Dean Jones it was given to him by Matthew Wade. Kind of makes sense hey?
Here is the Big Show. If you have any shirtless photos of him please send them through.
7. Ashton Agar
Agar burst on to the scence in the first Ashes test in England with a dreamy 98 on debut, what did people want to see the next day? We’re they searching for his firs class record? No you guessed it they were searching for “Ashton Agar shirtless”
No such luck I’m afraid instead we’ll have to make do with this photo from that first Ashes test juxtaposing Agar and his youthful innocence and Broad with his flinty hard edged professionalism.
8. Stuart Broad
“Stuart Broad cheat” ? “Stuart Broad wanker” ? No, “Stuart Broad shirtless” of course. Here he is celebrating the 5-0 Ashes defeat by paddleboarding with a friend on Sydney Harbour.
9. Nathan Coulter Nile
Search engine term: “How did Nathan Coulter Nile get his surname?”
Answer: His parents gave it to him of course. Boring, next. In future please search for a photo of him shirtless!
10. Xavier Doherty
“xavier doherty nickname cheese”
“what is xavier doherty’s nickname cheese”
“why is xavier doherty nickname cheese”
What do we want? “Heaps of runs” When do we want them? “Every time Dernbach bowls”
Also we wouldn’t mind, “Jade Dernbach shirtless” probably to get a good view of his tatts
The response to this search, “does jade dernbach still play for melbourne stars” is, “hell no” but the worst performed international signing each year in the Big Bash does win the Jade Dernbach award in memory of his 1 season at the Melbourne Stars.
It’s a pity no-one searched for for his fellow English fast bowler Chris Tremlett as he’s pretty ‘handy’ with a bat in hand and apparently has an impressive rig.
12th man: “Men in jocks”
I can only assume this was a cricket related search and the cricketer being sought was Michael Clarke. He loves a bit of jock work.
Coach: Darren Lehmann
I cant believe this but someone searched for “Darren Lehmann shirtless” Why, oh why, would you do that? The best I can do is Boof in a Cathy Freeman speed suit and giant T-shirt, losing a sprint against New Zealands, Mark Richardson in 2004.