People keep asking me, “What’s going on with Australian cricket?”
They want to know what the deal is with the squads being picked, the players being rested, the rotation policy and what the hell “Informed Player Management” means.
I couldn’t be bothered finding out but as a wise man once said to me “We are all busier than a Beruit bricklayer but people need to be informed” so I put down my pen and, as all good journo’s do, I tapped Steve Rixon’s phone as I’d grown tired of talking to him and I already knew his number.
This is the conversation I heard between Steve Rixon and John Inverarity.
Rixon: John I need some information on a couple of squads. Firstly, how’s the Australia A squad I’m coaching for those 5 one dayers against the England Lions looking?
Inverarity: Australia A squads. Aagh!! Don’t get me started. First I picked 7 allrounders to play South Africa then I thought the Sri Lanka one dayers were a warm up series against Australia A now that damn England Lions series….nightmare, I tell you, nightmare!
Rixon: Hang on, you thought the first two one dayers were Australia A v Sri Lanka?
Inverarity: Yes, why else would I have named George Bailey as skipper? That’s why I had to invent that “Informed Player Management” nonsense, it was to cover the blunder I made.
Rixon: Any other mistakes you’ve made?
Inverarity: Well that Test squad to India and the Australia A squad for the one dayers v England Lions – they both caused me some problems. I had both squads worked out and I thought I’d put them in two separate emails to James Sutherland but I got all confused. I ended up with both squads in the one email and I just couldn’t work out how to cut and paste the last few names. In the end I just gave up and sent what I had. I was getting very weary – I’d missed my afternoon nap.
Rixon: So let me guess Moises Henriques, Steve Smith, Doherty and Maxwell were meant to be in the Australia A one day squad not the Test Squad?
Inverarity: Yeah, do you think anyone noticed?
Rixon: Well … um …. nah, I think you got away with that one. Everyone thought the Test squad was fine. Did you also make a mistake booking the flights to India? The whole squad is leaving before Australia plays its last match of the summer.
Inverarity: Don’t be silly I didn’t book those flights – my wife did. She’s a cricket Australia employee too you know. She works in admin and travel. She saved Cricket Australia a fortune by booking with Air Asia – the only problem was the squad was so big she couldn’t get all of them on one flight so she had to spread them out across a few days but she got some really good deals.
Rixon: Right. Now that you’ve flown the whole squad to India early who are we going to play in the T20 against the Windies on Wednesday? We can’t front up with Australia A – you’ve sent most of them to India too.
Rixon: Hello? Invers? Are you still there?
Inverarity: Ah sorry Stephen I must have nodded off. What was the question?
Rixon: What’s the squad for the T20 international?
Inverarity: Aha, good trick question Stephen. We played the T20 internationals on the Australia day weekend! You have to get up pretty early in the mroning to trick me, young fellow.
Rixon: Yeah they were against Sri Lanka, there’s one this Wednesday against the Windies.
Inverarity: Are you sure? I’m getting confused now….. it’s almost my nap time you know. Then I’m plaiyng bridge this evening down at the bowls club… I’m not sure if i’ll have time….
Rixon: Invers its Ok you go for your nap, I’ll have a ring around some of my contacts and see what I can do. Leave it with me.
Inverarity: Thanks young fellow, Goodnight.
Rixon: Goodnight I guess, it’s only 1:30pm.