Australian Test squad v India

I can’t claim this fine work as my own – it’s the musings of the first ever guest blogger, Davey Smalls.



Sorry to break up the previous email fellas, but I am in disgust.

I’m not sure if you blokes have seen the Test squad, so allow me to share.

Michael Clarke (capt.)

First class career:

9,768 runs @ 49.58, 32 100’s

39 wickets @ 35.79

Undoubtedly the crown jewel of Australian cricket at the moment. Gone from pretty boy flog to world beater and did it as simply as dumping his two timing ho bag of a missus (I think a new fitness campaign has been given the official credit though). Will almost be certainly wild about the rest of this squad.

Ed Cowan

First class career:

4,240 @ 37.19, 11 100’s

Not a record that screams “Matthew Hayden” but should be serviceable as an opening foil to David Warner. Might struggle in India as spin doesn’t appear to be his strongest suit. Cuts like a butchers knife and has a handy pull shot…. Both won’t be needed on the low lying surfaces of the sub-continent. Picked purely because no other opener is bashing down the door.

David Warner

First class career:

1,516 @ 43.31, 5 100’s

Will attack the Indian fast men and won’t cop any stick from the tall rat Ishant Sharma. Is surprisingly patient for a hitter, as his innings against New Zealand showed. Is probably the best batsman behind Clarke in this team, which is saying a few things. Not a bad first class average for a bloke who has a crack.

Phil Hughes

First class career:

4,980 @ 47.43, 14 100’s

A phenomenal record given the mans age and time in the wilderness. Have heard all about his “technique adjustments” but it just looks like he is picking the right ball to play. Not sure how he will go in the Indian conditions but he needs to be given time to nail a number 3 spot. 14 hundreds at 24 years of age in first class cricket is unreal.

Shane Watson

First class career:

6,060 @ 39.61, 11 100’s

167 @ 27.45

Good old Watson. Can always depend on him right? Wrong! When he is not getting out in the 60’s in Test cricket he is not getting out at all. Not even from bed. The walking injury is back for his umpteenth crack at Test cricket. The only problem is he wants to play as a bat (which his record suggests he isn’t good enough to do) and doesn’t want to bowl (when his record suggest he should). This bloke is the biggest waste of time in the Australian test team. Including Steve Smith.

Matthew Wade

First class career:

2,990@ 42.11, 5 100’s

208 dismissals

My personal opinion is Wade has proved himself to be a decent batsmen-wicket keeper…. In that order. Glove work has been particularly sloppy against the slow men at the stumps. Nathan Lyon can probably feel aggrieved at the lack of wickets he has been taken due to Wades errors. Should still be picked for this series, but the low pitches in India are really going to Test his glove work and to see how far he has improved. A good, early catch in the series may be the shot in the arm he needs.

Glenn Maxwell

First class career:

860 @ 40.95, 1 100.

25 @ 33.68

There is understandable uproar at this selection. 14 First class games in and is in line for a Test cap. Unlike Warnie, hasn’t really shown anything to justify a selection. No fizz in the Zimbabwe Australia A tour, no getting kicked out of the Academy for trying to push his naked body on backpackers. No telling the Academy coach to “get fu**ed” Nothing! Won’t play a game unless Lyon AND Watson fall over.

Mitchell Johnson

First class career:

2,094 @ 23.80, 2 100’s

296 @ 29.97

Old Mitch “Finger Breaker” Johnson. When he is not getting punched up by his missus he is out breaking fingers of the worlds batsmen. Won’t be getting much purchase from the Indian conditions one would feel, but has been serviceable without starring since his return.

Peter Siddle


First class career:

1,241 @ 17.73, 0 100’s

247 @ 25.88

The best bowler of the current Australian team. Has been carrying the attack and, along with Clarke, is the only one who can keep his head held high due to his efforts as of late. Most people wouldn’t know but P-Siddy is a vegetarian. Although no one ever speaks about it, he also used to be a wood chopping champion.

Mitchell Starc

First class career:

329 @ 19.35, 0 100’s

75 @ 31.31

Mitch or “Crats” as he is known to his mates has been a good addition to the team as of late. Bowls some junk but bowls some fairly good balls also. Will be a toss up between him and his namesake as we shouldn’t take two erratic bowlers into an Indian summer. Serviceable accuracy is what is needed in India (as 2004 showed) Handy with the stick down the order, and has given some respectability to the teams totals since his inclusion in the Test team.

Nathan Lyon

First class career:

324 @ 10.45, 0 100’s

85 @ 38.12

“Gaz” has been a handy contributer to the Australian outfit. His record could be a lot better if people could some catches for him, or if he was bowled when it is suitable to be bowled. Aside from the whole Adelaide debacle where he couldn’t buy a decent ball, I think he has been good. Will be the first picked spinner as the only other option is Steve Smith. *shudders*

Moises Henriques

First class career:

1,350 @ 32.14, 1 100

53 @ 28.98

Finally. After all the love Mark “Junior” Waugh has been throwing onto this oxygen thief, he is a chance for a baggy green. A poor mans Shane Watson, who is a poor mans Andrew Flintoff, should never ever be given a chance like this. Should he be selected, he’d want to buy a tattslotto ticket as he will be using all his luck at once. His bowling numbers aren’t THAT horrible, but he is not a Test cricketer. Almost the worst selection of the squad, but unfortunately, there is more to come.

James Pattinson

First class career:

385 @ 19.25, 0 100’s

79 @ 23.33

His bowling numbers are unfathomable for a young man, and if he could stay on the park for an extended period of time, could turn into a world beater. Not the biggest mug with the bat and when fully fit will be first picked behind Clarke.

Xavier Doherty


First class career:

875 @ 13.46, 0 100’s

119 @ 44.78

A laughable selection. Move on.

Jackson Bird


First class career:

72 @ 8.00, 0 100’s

91 @ 17.37

Finally a player picked on form. Tore the Sheffield Shield competition apart for two years prior to earning his chance (remember when that used to happen?) Should get a nod if Pattinson or Siddle break down. Might even play ahead of Starc or Johnson depending on conditions at the time. “Squid” has similar attributes as Stuart Clark did.

Usman Khawaja

First class career:

2,894 @ 45.22, 8 100’s

Will play every Test in India. Has been in superb form as of late and has basically kept the Sydney Thunder (in the format he is least suited to) alive. Chris Gayle having been unavailable due to partying commitments and all. Born in Pakistan, hopefully some sort of ingrained sub-continent knowledge is there so he can be a big player in the Indian series.

Steve Smith

First class career:

2,116 @ 41.49, 5 100’s

41 @ 52.12

He is back! Everyones favourite man boy couldn’t be kept down for too long. He is being touted for the all rounders spot and the selectors were obviously impressed with the 0 100’s and the 90 balls he has bowled in this Sheffield Shield season. Another New South Welshman.

Gentlemen, gone are the days where you earned your cap and it wasn’t handed to you. Hopefully the sh!t trucks will not be selected but this actual “squad” is the weakest it has been in years.

If one of the frontline selected batsman gets injured, we may be clapping Moises onto the ground for his first game. Unbelievable.


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Ross Slater

Blogging about the important things - AFL and cricket

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