Alfonso Thomas (Adelaide Strikers)
Adam Voges (Melbourne Stars)
Ashton Agar (Western Australia)
Jason Behrendorf (Western Australia)
Pat Cummins (Sydney Sixers)
Tim Armstrong (Sydney Thunder)
Tom Triffit (Hobart Hurricanes)
Joe Mennie (South Australia)
Nathan Rimmington (Melbourne Renegades)
Mitchell Johnson (Brisbane Heat)
Luke Ronchi (New Zealand domestic cricket)
Paul Collingwood (England)
Simon Katich – retired from all forms of cricket mid-year except for the format he is least suited to…hmm? Katich seemed to play the reverse floater role or the sinker role in the batting line up last season. He would be listed at 4 or 5 then slowly slide further down the order as each new batsmen came to the crease and it wasn’t Kat-dawg. At least he will not have the ignominy of being pushed below Paul Collingwood in the batting line up this season. Katto will bring professionalism, discipline and a strong work ethic to the dressingroom – quantities rarely seen inside the home dressingrooms of the WACA ground… sorry ‘The Furnace’. Look for dressingroom dustups with the Marsh boys because a) they are wild party boys who will fail to fulfil their potential and are determined to go down a path of destruction and b) neither of them will be playing so get the f*ck out of the dressingroom! Dads Army age at 37.
Alfonso Thomas – a canny South African paceman who loves bowling at the deathand can hit a long ball down the order ‘The Fonse’ played at Adelaide in BBL|01. Thomas has carved out a career of 1 T20 international for South Africa in 2007 but mainly plies his trade in South African domestic cricket and as a Kolpak for Somerset in County cricket. Will bring to the dressingroom information on where to get the best billtong in CapeTown and the best cider in Somerset. Dads Army age at 35.
Shaun Marsh – Batsmen. Sometimes you play cricket well and other times you fall off a cliff. Such is the career of one South East Marsh. Made a hundred on his Test debut in Sri Lanka in September 2012, then toured South Africa and hurt his back. Son of Swampy missed the next three Tests but proved his fitness with 99* versus the Renegades just before Christmas 2012 and so was selected for the four Test against India and proceeded to tally up an international dialling code 0,0,1,1 and hasn’t been seen in Australian colours since. In October this year he and his Bro went mad in South Africa during the CLT20 and SE Marsh has been banished from the state team ever since. He has had to content himself with playing club cricket since October and the rumour is he had to come back into his club side via the 2nd XI as the club had a NDP – No Dickheads Policy. And that is a massive fall from grace in 13 months – from debut Test hundred to club 2nd XI.
Mitch Marsh – Mitch ‘Party Time’ Marsh is an all rounder who will miss the entre BBL|02 and more after tearing the hammy off the bone a couple of weeks ago. Expect the young tyro to be as dedicated to his rehab as he was to sticking to his strict pregame preparation schedule at the CLT20 in October. Boom-tish. If the Scorchers are looking for a readymade replacement all rounder could I suggest LUKE BUTTERWORTH who does not have a BBL contract as yet. The wild Party Boy antics Marsh would have brought to the dressingroom will not be missed by new coach Justin Langer
Ashton Agar – True or False: This is a real name. Some say he is a mystery spinner form Melbourne premier cricket who has been bamboozling batsmen at the lower level and is ready to pounce in the Big Bash having not been sighted in first class or list A cricket, some say he wouldn’t know a doosra from doorknob, some say he is The Stig. Your choice.
Tim Armstrong – I was certain ‘Louis’ Armstrong had been delisted by the Sydney Thunder and didn’t have a new club but I was wrong. ‘Neil’ Armstrong is a NSW Futures League batsmen plying his trade sans state contract (which means he is also on the dole). It’s surprising anyone would want to sign someone let go by Sydney Thunder – except of course for LUKE BUTTERWORTH who was inexplicably not given a second season at the Thunder. ‘Lance’ Armstrong will bring tales of work for the dole schemes and little else to the dressingroom.
Tom Triffit – wicket keeper. Little Tommy Triffit was the Hurricanes gloveman last season while Tm Pane had The Weapon work on his right ring finger for 8 hours a day. Triffo was lured West to fill the hole left by Luke Ronhci’s departure to play cricket n New Zealand – it’s amazing which countries are playing cricket these days. TT is loving life in WA in general and in Perth in particular. He hasn’t yet tired of going to Cottosloe beach and swimming around with a shark fin attached to his back – it never fails to create mayhem, mirth and merriment!
Marcus North – batsmen and disillusioned former skipper who quit his post after the disastrous Scorchers campaign at the CLT20 in October. Former Test player whose career went south when it was realised he was a downhill skier who was mentally weak – would never have got a game under Steve Waugh. Steve Waugh puts his game face on even when he’s eating ice cream with his son. Now that’s tough. Would you believe North is 33 – the perfect age for Dads Army.
Michael Beer – Spinner. Sub editors wet dream surname.
Herschelle Gibbs – Hollywood Herschelle fits in perfectly with the WA party culture and has never knowingly turned down a party invite or a drink card. Party he might but his turbo charged batting at the top of the order gave the Scorchers the perfect start in many matches and he was right up there with the best in BBL|01 in terms of runs scored and strike rate. Look for him to challenge for the coveted brown helmet/brown cap for highest run scorer in the Big Bash. Fits perfectly into the Dad’s Army mould at 38 years old.
Adam Voges – “Mad Dog” Voges may look like a mild mannered accountant trapped in a cricketers body but in fact is the ringleader of the “Party first, cricket later” crew in WA cricket whose mantra is “Party first, cricket later” Often seen leading the Western Warriors rampage through Northbridge after another home shield or Ryobi Cup loss. Of course he is over 30, just nudging 33 years old.
Mike Hussey – Mr Cricket s in a rich vein of form knocking up back to back tons in the current Test series v South Africa. Expect Hussey to only make cameo appearances between Test and ODI commitments – ie probably first game only. Fit as a fiddle but comfortably fits into the Dad’s Army age bracket at 37.
Brad Hogg – 41 year old spinner who is still poking his tongue out in his delivery stride and sending down unpickable wrong’uns. A crowd favourite who has the most likes on the Scorchers webpage. Look for him to be playing cricket n the US if the US T20 league gets going.
Pat Cummins – 19 year old fast bowler who injured his fat pad which caused him to miss BBL|01. Now has another season ending injury which means he must have D&M’s with Brett Lee on The Cricket Show. Won’t play. The Scorchers should probably learn from this and not bother recruiting such young players – stick to the 33+ year olds.
Nathan Coulter Nile – a fast bowling allrounder whose good form with the ball resulted in a call up to the Australia A – the A presumably stood for all rounder after no less than 7, yes 7 all rounders suited up. NCN was listed at 11 in the A team which would suggest that bowling is his stronger suit and his batting is still a work in progress. And it makes me think if ‘Coults’ bats at 7 again for the Scorchers like he did in BBL|01 then it will be a long tail again. NCN won the coveted Nathan slot just edging out Nathan Rimmington.
Jason Behrendorf – 19 year old left arm pace man who played Australia U19s. Bowls a heavy ball. Will not be able to contribute anything to the dressingroom conversations as he doesn’t have a wife, kids or a mortgage and can’t remember the world before iPhones. Also has never changed a nappy. Hoggy is old enough to be his dad. Good luck son – literally.
Joe Mennie – another fast bowler! I believe this one transferred from SA to WA in the off season. Just what the squad needed – another paceman! Bowls a heavy ball. Mennie is known to go all Malcolm Douglas/Albie Mangels in the off season heading up to the Kimberley in his 4 x 4 and living off tins of baked beans and Emu bitter for weeks at a time. Not popular n the dressingroom as he doesn’t fit into the Party Boy Faction or Dads Army set ala Mods and Rockers. An outcast.
Ben Edmondson – another pace bowler! When will this end! Bowls a heavy ball. Fits into the Dad’s army age bracket at 34. The President of the MQMFBU – Medium Quality Medium Fast Bowlers Union. The Scorchers have no less than 5 memebers in their sub-branch: Edmondson, Mennie, Behrendorf, Thomas & Coulter Nile (who is now having his membership question after representing Australia A)
The Scorchers look to have stuck with the formula from BBL|01 and play only 4 batsmen and 5 bowlers plus a bowling allrounder with Nathan Coulter-Nile bat at 7. Whilst this does seem to create a very long tail ( they lost their last 5 wickets in an over v the Stars last year) it also worked as they might the Big Final n BBL|01.
I’m not sure why they haven’t recruited more batsmen as they seem to be light on for bats given M Marsh and M Hussey won’t play and S Marsh is out of favour. It looks like Tim ‘Lance’ Armstrong may get the No 5 slot which makes me wonder what has happened to Big Tommy Beaton, a young WA contracted batsmen who became expert at running drinks last season for the Scorchers, but has been delisted for BBL|02.
The only saving grace is Paul Collingwood is no longer in the squad. His bowling was worse than Abdul Razzaq last year and that’s saying something. The Scorchers squad has bowlers coming out their ying yang including a small army of pacemen.
Alfonso Thomas was signed last week after Albie Morkel pulled out for reasons unknown – did he not realise South Africa play cricket in Decemeber-January? Perth Scorchers note – you don’t have to have two international signings – you could have signed a local allrounder like LUKE BUTTERWORTH.
On paper this team looks ancient – Dads Army indeed.
- Herschelle Gibbs
- Marcus North
- Adam Voges
- Simon Katich
- Tim Armstrong
- Tom Triffit
- Nathan Coulter Nile
- Alfonso Thomas
- Ben Edmondson
- Michael Beer
- Brad Hogg
THE PREDICTION: 3rd